What a massive month. So massive. I don't even know where to begin. My hair smells really nice. I went to the salon just before and I can't say I never go anymore because I do. People are playing music I would prefer to be turned off. I am sitting here in my body in my legs on my squishy butt. My fingers are typing and my wrists are cold. There is so much happening constantly. We are in this infinite loop of push and pull. This universal tension. Universal constipation? no no.
Art to me has taken a turn, as it always does. Art is universal, embodied and intangible. Constantly experienced and rapidly ecstatic. An energy. A life force. BOOM BOOM BOOM. 'You can never put a finger on it' is a lie, I can put all of my fingers on it. A feeling, an emotion or a state of being (absent?). It is all of these things all the time. It is the DOING. It is the experience the viewer has with the work. This connection!!!! That you are having with the screen, that I am having with my imagined readers. It is a mirror into ourselves. I know, cliche. Part of me wants to understand people but the other part realises that I will never in my god's name understand anyone truly. But that's not even the point really? We create art to express something within ourselves and while others are observing they are equally compassionate and open. what is that?
I've been asking this question a lot, 'what is important to me right now'. And it's been difficult to answer because my mind is quite scattered. Rest. Looking after yourself. Educating ourselves, learning, growing so that we can improve how we help others and ourselves. The universal bliss and connection of all of us. We are inseparable.
I have had an extremely hectic week. This month I have felt the most happy I have ever felt in my life. Honestly. And I have been happy. So this month was a fucking haven of bliss. I felt euphoric. Eternally hopeful and blessed as fuck. I felt balanced and so supremely good. Happy with how things were. Accepted the world for how it was, in acknowledgement of the disaster and necessary pain. So I will ask, how can I continue this joy even when things get exhausting or tiring?
I participated in the Zen Zen Zo Physical Theatre workshop at the start of this month. I was so supremely delighted to be accepted for the Mud: Humus residency that will happen in September. I have two more shows coming up after that, a group and a solo show. And I also just opened my first self-curated show at my work place, Hard Day's Night. I have a lot going on, and as am in recovery mode after the show opened, things at home got messy again and I have to practice not being pulled down emotionally when this happens because it happens all the time. People seem upset and sad at home and then I get annoyed. They need something. But what is it? What is it that I can provide? Sorry I am just rambling. This isn't very eloquent speech.